It's Time to Throw Chess Onto the Rubbish Heap of History

Calling all progressives! Let's do this!

You have probably never set aside time to think about chess and how its real purpose is to simply prop up the far-right, sexist, misogynistic, white supremacist, transphobic, colonialist PATRIARCHY.

Well, you’re in luck today because I have done it for you and my revelations will horrify you, so brace yourselves.

I am literally shaking right now as I type this post out.

Chess Has to Go!

Here are the three main reasons why we need to cancel this indoctrination tool as quickly as possible.

Racism: Have you not noticed how the chess pieces are all either white or black? Moreover, the white pieces always get to move first. According to the emerging field of feminist statistics, this results in the white side winning 87.5% of all games. This amounts to systemic racism.

Sexism & Misogyny: Did you know that there is only a single female piece on each team? The remainder are all representatives of the PATRIARCHY. Even worse, the queen’s main role is to defend the king. Why not have the king protect the queen instead? Better yet, toss the king out and let a girlboss queen lead the army! This is one more reason why chess amounts to systemic sexism and misogyny.

Lack of Diversity: Why only a binary universe? Why doesn’t chess offer pieces of other colors besides black and white? Why are there no non-binary or trans pieces instead of just the male and one female piece? The only explanation is systemic transphobia and xenophobia.

So now it’s time to summon all the progressive communities and allies. First of all, we need to send out the squadrons of flying attack monkeys to spread the word on Twitter (aka X), Facebook, Reddit.

Then we call in our most steadfast allies: college students, the MSM, and finally white liberal women. They never fail to work themselves up into a frenzy supporting whatever cause we wave in front of them.

We progressives are an unstoppable juggernaut, a true force of nature! This victory will equal recent ones in which we put autogynephiles into women’s locker rooms and sports, 8-year-olds into the sex change pipeline, and created toddler story hours run by men in drag.

Let’s do it, comrades!!

Can you imagine a more wholesome image? What a lucky little angel she is.

My preferred adjectives for today are:

combustible, sanguine, iconoclastic

Please feel free to like this if you really do as well as share. It helps with the algo.